the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
