I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
