Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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