glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
