Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
