You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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