And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
