JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
