Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
