I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
