I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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