google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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