Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
