So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
