Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
