If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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