I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
