I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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