Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
