At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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