You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
