Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
