so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
