Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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