Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
