is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
