True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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