just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
