Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
