At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He shit in the fireplace
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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