It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
