Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
