Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
