who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
