also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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