I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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