grandma shit on top of the toilet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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