mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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