So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
