apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
