Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
