I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
