ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
