the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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