There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
