Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
