A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
