somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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