her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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