i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
