Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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