We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
