two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
