We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
