I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
