Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
