At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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