and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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